a REAL LIFE story, that HAPPENED
So you see, one day I was laying in bed and thinking “what am I doing looking at pictures of pretty colours, this isn’t what life is about!” Then I thought, I’ll go outside, I’ll ask someone if they want to go with me and so I did and it was amazing. We went up to the mountain into a forest and it was beautiful. There was a stream with snow all around it and we stayed there for a bit. I took some pictures of course, and as we walked away we saw a deer! And then a bear! And then a rabbit! And I said “what is this?!! Am I Snow White? what’s that all about!” But I forgot that, well, animals live in forests. We followed a rabbit to its home where all it’s babies were. They were wearing dresses and started dancing around us and their movements in those pretty dresses made beautiful colours! At which point I’d realised I’d laid in bed thinking about all this stuff I was going to do and that it was 8PM and that I’d wasted my day once again, going on adventures that never actually happened with my friends who didn’t actually share them with me.
One time in the world there was a guy called Arnold Primet and he was a crazy dude. He walked around leaving stickers of eyes on poles. In the night he’d go around turning the eyes on. Green they glew. Arnold was a bit obsessed with words too. After his eye-run he’d go around finding as many dictionaries he could, changing freaked to froke and glowed to glew. He had only thought of those two words before he tried to stick a purple spiral-eye onto a flag pole only to be shot down by a police man who thought Arnold was a flag-stealing terrorist. It was a rough neighbourhood.
Chris the Notacat
One time, in the night, a man was taking his cat to the vet. The cat was a newborn. So he wasn’t really a cat. He was a kitten….Well, he wasn’t really a kitten either.
His dad had gotten together with a giraffe. Genetics went wild.
He was terrifying, that thing. So much that the man’s daughters were terrified of it. Forcing the man to leave it at the vet. The man never went back for it and the kitten with the long twisty neck and patchy fur, all short and long at the same time, well, it died. What did you expect, that thing can’t sustain it’s own body, come on.
Tiger Face As His Face
One day I was walking to the mouse shop to buy a some cheese for my pet mouse when I saw as I walked past, a man with a tigers face for a face. I couldn’t believe what I had seen. I kept walking but I couldn’t get his face out of my head. So I turned around. I remembered he was wearing a black jacket because he had his hood up. I saw him right away. Though to be fair, it wasn’t a very busy street really, we were the only ones on it. So I ran to him yelling “OI, TIGER FACE MAN WHO ARE YOU” I saw him stop as I arrived a couple feet behind him. He turned around, his tiger eyes staring at my soul. Black arrows through a fruit cake in the rain onto a snail. He raised his gloved hand up, it had a normal human hand shape, he took the glove off, and yeah, it was a normal hand. He rose his hand parallel to his head, when all of a sudden his feet started moving around, some sort of dance, a dance to a song in his head but to me he was dancing to the sound of the car that drove by with a very confused person in it. All of a sudden he stopped, he snapped his fingers, pointed up and said “that’s who” and then he disappeared
That was the day I met my one true love, who I’ve only never seen again
Once upon a time there was a leopard named Johnny Fire Pants. He got that name because his father was Bobby Joe Fire Pants, the creator of the Fire-Your-Pants company, sometimes confused to be a company made for firing pants, as if pants have a job. But Bobby’s dream was not to unemploy, his dream was to have a factory of pants made of fire. To his surprise, these don’t sell. Most people stick to the theory that they are a hazard to your lower body. Because of this, Bobby went bankrupt, and Johnny has been left with no education and is forced to do photo shoots for food since he’s quite a handsome leopard. His spots like black freckles on his fur.
I met a slug earlier called Duncan. Gross he was, with his slimy face and beady eye staring at my eyes. He only had one eye, Duncan. But it was a good eye. It saw lots of things in it’s time, that eye. But since Duncan’s quite small it’s only seen things up close. But the point to Duncan isn’t his eye, it’s his heart. His tiny heart in his slug body. Looking for love. He thought he met a wonderful lady slug one time. But he only sees from the left side of the world. Either way, Duncan fell in love with some bark. Lonely one eyed Duncan they call him.
I swear I’ve never taken drugs but this sure does make me question that.
Jamie lives in the meadows. In the meadows where the diamond bears roam. Spreading they’re shiny diamond dust. Jamie is happy with his life, the structure, the peacefulness. But inside, Jamie longs for something more. Something cooler than the ice grass. Something hotter than fire seas. Something more fulfilling than a life caring for diamond bears. Jamie wants to leave the meadow, but he can’t. Trapped in it by his own existence Jamie thinks “this can’t be all there is to life” But it is because Jamie is a story and the story ends there and there’s no more Jamie or meadows or diamond dust. I’ve created Jamie and I’ve ended Jamie.
Robyn (yeah, a y) the Fox
There once was a fox named Robyn. You might think that was confusing to the tightly-spider-web-woven family that is the forest community, but because the animals in this biography have no concept of species, it’s not.
Robyn was a helpful fox, always walking about gathering bits of food for his family, doing the cleaning, picking up everyone’s left over fur. But one day, Robyn decided it was enough. He never got any recognition for his work, the mice would constantly say that he was a “ruiner of wildlife” a “clean freak of a wolf wannabe” and an “overgrown squirrel-rat crossover.
Though that last insult didn’t really make sense, it still hurt okay, don’t judge poor Robyn, he goes through a lot.
Anyways, Robyn decided that he would stop helping, that if rodents, and canidae alike wanted food and clean burrows, they’d have to do it themselves.
Robyn obviously came to me asking if this was a good idea, or if he was just being selfish. But I assured him that, for the sake of story lines, it was a brilliant idea.
In the end, nothing changed, if anything they all live a more normal forest life. The only thing is that Robyn has become an obese egotistical grass hag.
I hope you enjoyed that Liam, if not… Sorry, I don’t know what you want from me, man.
A Dream That I Did
“Cam, look, this book’s about you, if you go down the rollerbedcoaster you’ll turn into this terrible lizard creature” I said. Cam looked at the book. It was only a couple pages long and when he reached the last page he turned back. He looked asleep. “I know, if we direct it at a different spot of the town, I won’t” Cam said, he looked a bit worried though. He looked at our creation the way he looks at hot baths, not sure wether he should get in or not. But he did. Sliding down the beds into town